Marbled Easter Blondies

Parenthood

If you want to know how to make award winning blondies, then look no further.

Ok, so they’re not actually award winning but they did win at Aria’s school baking competition and that totally counts.

So anyway, after a few messages asking how we made them, here’s the recipe.

You will need:

  • 20cm square tin
  • 125g unsalted butter
  • 150g white chocolate
  • 2 medium eggs
  • 130g plain flour
  • 1 pinch salt
  • 1 tsp vanilla essence (the cheaper the essence the more you’ll need, just sayin’)
  • food colourings of your choice (we went for pink, blue and purple).
  • 80g mini eggs – crushed
  • sprinkles (these must be glazed).

Pre heat your oven to 180C if you have a fan (or gas mark 4) and bake in the centre of the oven.

The method is super easy. I mean no need for an electric mixer, even a handheld one, level of easy. If Aria can do it, you can.

  • Melt the butter and 100g of the chocolate together. You can do this in a bowl over a pan of simmering water, two glass bowls, one inside the other so the bowl with the chocolate and butter isn’t touching the hot water. If you can, get one of those chocolate fondue melting pot things, it’ll be easier than the bowls in the pan method.
  • Mix the sugar with the eggs and the vanilla essence.
  • Add the melted butter and chocolate mix to the sugar mix. Make sure you mix it well.
  • Add the salt and sift in the flour bit by bit.
  • Add some of the sprinkles and half the mini eggs to the batter. Stir briefly, don’t over do it here.
  • Pour half the mix in to the pan and add drops of colour randomly. Repeat with the second half. Swirl the colours around with a cocktails stick or skewer to create the marble effect.
  • Bake in the over for 25 mins. Cover the top with tin foil to stop the top getting too brown.
  • While the blondies bake melt the other 50g of chocolate.
  • Let the blondies cool a little before cutting. You want to cut them small, they are rich!
  • While still warm, drizzle the melted chocolate over the blondies and sprinkle with the rest of the mini eggs and some sprinkles.

Et Voila… Serve and enjoy.

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Wanna Know What Pissed Me Off This Week?

Parenthood

Fair warning, I swear A LOT in this post… and I’m not even sorry.

Slutdrop – who the fuck came up with that term? Can they not see how fucked up it is? Squats are not ‘slutdrops’. I’d love to know what went through the head of whoever made that up when they decided it’d be a good idea. Dick. I don’t even know why it pissed me off so much… it just brings me back to slut shaming and making me think about the “provocative” actions women are perceived to have.

The word ‘thinspiration‘. It’s one of those words that seems harmless but is actually helping no one with eating disorders and the fact that influencers, “nutritionists”, PTs and diet groups use this word to “inspire” their followers and clients is just manipulative bullshit. These people are feeding on your self loathing while pretending to care about body positivity.

Old men complaining about sagging body parts on women. Age happens, ageing happens and men sag just as much when they get older! What, does he think his arse is still a pert peach crying out for a bite? Fuck. No. Guarantee his balls are a lot lower than they were in his 20s too.

The rain. Was it not just complete overkill for it to carry on for so long? Just as spring seemed to have finally sprung Mother Nature decided to fuck shit up again with a few storms; one after the other. The dog refused to go for a walk. The boy child complained on every single school run. Ain’t motherhood a fucking joy?

When Instagram deleted my account “by mistake”. How? How does that actually happen? If I posted porn, or bullied people, or shared confidential information I could understand… I still haven’t had a reason why other than it was a “mistake”.

Speaking of Instagram… Follow unfollowers and follow tracker apps. Following to get followers is just shit, social media needs to get back to being social and quick cause this internet popularity competition is fucked up! Stop. Stop looking at the numbers, STOPS craving attention, start interacting! These follower tracking apps are shit too, if you use them to unfollow everyone who doesn’t follow you you may end up looking like a twatty follow unfollower, especially if you follow people recommended on follow Fridays.

Racism. I mean, this pisses me off all the time but this past week or so it seems to have exploded all over the place! I blame Brexit and Trump.

The shooting in New Zealand. People should be safe from terror in all forms. Terrorists are not a religion, they are not a race, they are terrorists plain and simple. They are a scourge on this planet and we should not allow them to feel validated.

Women thinking pestering their man to “last longer” is acceptable. Now, I use the term women loosely because a real women doesn’t give a shit about the size of your dick OR how long you last in bed. A real woman won’t care about any of that. What you do with it is more important than how long you can go and education is key! Men and women need to educate themselfs on pleasuring each other. Men who don’t care if a woman orgasms also piss me off. Fellas, your pleasure isn’t the only thing that matters.

Bad Doms. Find the door and exit the planet please!! For the love of the kink God, GTFO! Linking back to men who only care about their own orgasms… your self satisfaction is not paramount. You need to take a moment to learn about dynamics, trust, boundaries and what it really means to be a Dom.

FUCKING BREXIT. “We want out of the EU but have no idea what the really means for the country, it’s economy or health and welfare systems.” It’s so close, it’s basically round the corner and do we actually know what’s happening yet? Like actually know?? Why is it still so obscure??? Fuck.

It’s International Women’s Day, And Yes, We Still Need It.

Parenthood

In a world where women are still oppressed and demeaned, subject to systemic sexism and treated like second class citizens across the globe, International Women’s Day is still incredibly relevant.

There’s so much about women in history that is over shadowed by the men in their fields. Did you know Hedy Lamaar (the actress) co invented technology that now enables us to communicate wirelessly? Or that the first university in the world was founded by Fatima Al-Fihri? Or that one of the world’s most feared pirates, Ching Shih, was more successful than Blackbeard?

What about the fact that while women make up 51% of the population but make up 70% of those living in poverty and 83% of single parents. Women do 66% of the work, producing 50% of the food while earning just 11% of the pay and owning 1% of land.

Girls are still subject to FGM, forced in to being child brides and victims of revenge rapes. Women are stoned to death for behaviour deemed inappropriate by men. Women are imprisoned for the way the dress. Black women are more likely to die in childbirth but have their concerns ignored (thank you for bringing that to my attention @TheDoctorMummy)

Modesty culture and rape culture blame the woman for everything a man does to them.

Women are more likely to be raped, subject to domestic abuse and sexually assaulted, with their attackers often getting away with it. Politicians and celebrities get away with it all when they can buy their way out of it. (Trump for example like to grab women by the pussy).

Do you know how many girls are sexually assaulted each week in schools? No? Between 2014-2018 5,500 assaults against pupils were reported… the actual number is unknown because we know not everyone will have come forward. Girls as young as 10 are being attacked in their schools in the UK.

Women are more likely to believe men who survive being raped, abused or assualted, especially boys targeted by their teachers.

Female politicians and celebrities are constantly threatened with rape and murder. Rose McGowan, Halsey, Selma Heyak and Kesha all deserve fucking medals for what they’ve been through but instead get slammed. Thankfully the boycott of Kevin Spacey’s latest film hit him in the wallet but unfortunately R Kelly has his works debated. To clarify, NO, you cannot separate the man from the music… cut him off, just like we cut off Ian Watkins when his peadophile ways came to light.

Young girls are forced in to childbirth by the church and religious politicians against medical advice advocating for a termination.

Women cannot get back in to work after having a child as easily as a man can. Women are forced to choose between their career and their family.

If you didn’t know any of that then you now know why we still need IWD.

We can’t change any of this until we all get on the same page. Change requires a collective effort. So while IWD is to showcase and celebrate the strength and accomplishments of women, it isn’t just for women to do so. Men need to step up as allies and help us make the changes happen.

Girls and boys can be anything in life they want to be. For every girl that wants to be a racecar driver there is a boy wanting to be a florist. We need to dismiss the age old way of thinking, a woman’s place is wherever she damned well wants to be.

We need to listen to men when they are struggling. We need to do this to help reduce the rate of suicide amongst men. 84 men a week take their lives in the UK. Feminism paved the way for men to be open about their emotions, and we need more of it!

Teach your girls about the strength they possess within and teach your boys to always respect females. Teach them both that emotions are not a weakness, modesty culture is bullshit and that no matter what consent is everything.

Until we are all treated as equals, men and women, we will continue to need IWD.

Mummy, It’s Dead.

Lifestyle, Parenthood, Uncategorized

Aria is beginning to understand the concept of death and its finality.

I had to tackle this subject head on and think on my feet thanks to our local neighbourhood cats.

On our way to school we came across a dead mouse on the path. It had been there a while, it was stiff and curled up.

“Mummy, what’s that?” Aria asked.

“It’s a mouse sweetheart” I replied.

“What’ wrong with it?” she asked.

“It’s dead I’m afraid” I had to, unfortunately, say.

“Like my tablet!” she exclaimed.

So I rolled with that.

I used her tablet as an analogy, saying “a bit like that babe. When your the battery on your tablet dies you plug it in to charge, the same with Mummy’s phone, when the battery is empty we plug it in. Animals don’t actually have batteries though… so when they die we can’t recharge them. They’re just gone”.

“Oh”, she replied, “what about people?”

“Sorry baby”, I said, “we don’t have batteries either”.

“Oh…” and she carried on her way to school, completely unphased.

I thought it would be much, much harder than that to explain to her, but she seemed to get it so easily.

A few months passed but the time came and I had to broach the subject of death with Aria again, while watching Big Cat Week. She’s team antelope by the way… or was, until i explained the circle of life to her (thank you Disney!).

Stealing words from Mufasa, I explained that all animals, including humans, are connected in a circle of life. Some animals eat plants, those animals are eaten by other animals and then those animals fertilise the grass when they die, feeding the animals their kind feed on. She got it. She understood it, even with my waffling. So while she may still be mostly team antelope, she’s also team big cat and knows they need to eat.

Ok, I’m getting the hang of this explaining hard subject to kids thing, I thought to myself. She’s not phased at all by what death is or what it means. She’s not phased that animals and people can’t return from the dead like her tablet can. She’s got it.

Since October we have had 3 losses in the family and each time she’s told us about how people don’t have batteries and that it’s sad we can’t recharge them.  She’s got it and I’m hoping it a base we can work on as time goes on, explaining more in depth as time goes on. I’m also praying to any and all gods that it’s this easy to explain to Roman.

Lights On Or Off?

Lifestyle, Uncategorized

One thing my husband has noticed is that night time (with the lights off) is when I feel most confident having sex.

He knows why, I’m just never sure he understands why. Not really.

You see, lights on or off has everything to do with body confidence and nothing to do with you partner not wanting to see you, or what you’re doing. It is a question answered by their self esteem and how worthy they feel of you. If they feel like they’re a let down, like they don’t deserve you, they’ll ask for the lights off. It is nothing to do with you and everything  to do with them.

When your self esteem is low, really, really low, you don’t want to see yourself naked, nevermind your partner seeing you naked. That’s a whole new level of mental hell! Those of us with low self esteem will torture ourselves the entire time wondering if you actually like what you see, so to save that gut wrenching, enjoyment sucking headfuck out of the equation we hide. When you’re getting intimate they’ll cover their eyes, hide their face or turn off the lights. Trust me, it is not you, it is them. It’s the shittest, but low self esteem is shit.

If they can’t hide in the dark, or cover their eyes, they’ll close their eyes and turn away; they’ll do anything to avoid eye contact. They don’t want to see how you’ll react to seeing their body. They worry that you’ll be put off by what you see, by their body. They’ll be worried you’ll be put off having sex once you see them.

So as tedious as it may seem to you to be always reassuring your partner, they need it, they need you. Being with someone who’s self esteem is low, being worthy of them, requires you to make them feel less shitty. It’s not their fault they feel like that, they’ve been force fed body ideals from a young age. Some are able to brush of the beauty and fashion industry norms, some are not. Those that are not end up confused about their bodies, they believe their bodies are something to be ashamed of because they don’t fit the factory model mold. The ones with low self esteem have spent their lives being conditioned to think they’re not good enough.

You can say anything you want, but the truth is actions speak much louder than words ever could; show them they are beautiful. Don’t just tell them they’re gorgeous, tell them while kissing them and holding them. Don’t be another person making them feel like shit. Don’t be another person that makes them think their self worth is only measured by how good they make you feel or by how much they can please you. Don’t be another knock to their self esteem.

Show your lover that they are beautiful, that’s their body is gorgeous. Don’t be selfish. Spend time getting to know their bodies, getting to know their minds. Make sure they believe their bodies are just as beautiful as you think their bodies are.

If your partner asks for the lights off, if they hide their faces away, stop, stop trying to have sex and just hold them, reassure them, make them feel safe and desired. Be there, without distraction. Don’t force the matter, don’t keep on about sex, leave that till later. Sex is much better when low self esteem hasn’t joined in.

Don’t make your partner face their demons alone.

Did You See What She’s Wearing?

Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Modesty culture in the west is fucking bullshit and full of double standards.

“Your skirt is too short.”

“Your top is too low cut.”

“I can see your bra.”

“That’s a bit slutty.”

But a woman walks by them in a bikini and all is fine.

Men want their women (mothers, wives and daughters) to cover up and keep things hidden but then watch porn and drool over Dua Lipa with her breasts peeping out the bottom of her crop top (btw I love Dua and her peeping boobs).

Post yoga and a bit messy but no one bats an eye when I share a photo of myself in a sports bra.

Waking up from a night out and no body gives a shit when I share a picture from bed, with only the duvet for “modesty”.

Sharing a picture post shower when the picture is literally just strategically cropped, not a dicky bird gets said.

Finished swimming and I share a picture of myself in my swimsuit, everyone has words of support.

But share a picture, where I’m wearing a bra that you can see and someone has an opinion.

Someone explain to me what the difference is… and why one is unacceptable.

It’s like when that ANTM contestant refused to wear lingerie for modesty reasons but was fine wearing a bikini. They literally expose the same areas! In some cases bras actually cover more than bikini tops do…

Why is carefully covered nudity and swimwear perfectly fine but lingerie is not?

This bollocks has been drip fed to women for millennia, to the point other women feel the need to make the same comments. To the point other women try control how women dress.

Here’s the problem, modesty culture has nothing to do with how women dress and everything to do with the inability of men to control their sexual impulses. So men don’t wait their women dressing and acting in a certain way because they know from personally experienced the thought processes that go through a het man’s head. Thing is, women know these thoughts too. We have these thoughts, we just know how to control ourselves. (A generalisation I know, #notallmen).

Whether or not a man can control his urges around a woman is not the fault of the woman, what she wears or how she acts, it is souly his responsibility. How someone reacts to anything is their responsibility.

Modesty culture IS rape culture. By telling a woman how to dress so they don’t arouse men who can’t control their own urges you are victim blaming before any assualt takes place. You are already putting the blame on her should she be attacked.

Do you know what the number one cause of rape is? Rapists. That’s it! Rapists are the only reason anyone gets raped. Clothing doesn’t matter.

Case in point, when I was raped at 14 I was wearing a polo neck jumper and jeans, because October is cold. Tell me how that’s immodest, go ahead, I’ll wait.

What causes men to cat call? ‘Cause that happens to women regardless of what they wear. I’m going to take a leap and say the cause of men cat calling is the men who cat call. Quite sure that’s not wrong.

Things don’t happen to women because of what they wear. They happen because people can’t control their actions.

It’s my body and I’ll dress how I damn well please, I will share what I damn well please and you can keep your double standards to yourself.

Love yourself…

Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Seriously.

Every year, as Valentine’s Day approaches, we face a barrage of ‘you must find love’ messages.

It’s all over TV, in articles, glaring at us through adverts, filling our social feeds and generally plastered on all fronts across the globe.

Through all of that, the most important love to find is a love for yourself.

If you don’t love yourself you can’t truly love anyone else or be loved completely by anyone else.

But it’s not just the emotional and mental side of things. It’s also the physical side.

You cannot truly love someone until you know how you want to be loved.

With that said… Masturbation is not a sin.

To know what you like from a partner, you need to know what you actually like first, and the safest and healthiest way to do that is on your own.

Not to mention it can help you keep track of what is normal for you. If anything starts feeling weird, get it seen. Masturbation can actually be a life saver.

If anything feels wrong, go to your GP.

Anyway, back to loving yourself.

Self love in any form is not selfish.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, in fact it’s really fun and a fabulous way to release tension.

As a women, there comes a sense of empowerment, sexual freedom and body confidence from masturbation. Learning what you like and dislike by exploring your own body can be one of the most eye and mind opening experiences you’ll have.

Don’t over think anything, don’t force anything, relax and feel the moment. The more you concentrate on your orgasm, the harder it can be to actually have one, once you let go of your inhibitions you will find they will flow; sometimes literally.

On that note, don’t be upset if you don’t ‘squirt’, it’s not as common as porn will make you believe.

Using toys can be extremely pleasurable and can help you reach the elusive O.

Toys aren’t for everyone and it can be daunting to jump straight in without knowing what you’re looking for. A few of my favourites are:

Happy Rabbit Thrusting Vibrator – Quiet, hits the right spots, not too intense but more intermediate than beginner and rechargeable (my favourite feature; environmentally friendly for the win).

The Triple Tickler – easy to use with it’s twist base control, leaving it up to you how powerful it goes. It’s also fully waterproof; perfect for in the tub. Also, purse friendly.

Mini Wand – not only is this one cute (it’s rose gold, winner), it’s palm size. Chuck it in your overnight bag next time you get away for a night, it’ll even hide in your cosmetics case. Also, surprisingly powerful for the size of it.

Finger Vibrator – not sure about toys but want something a little more to really stimulate your clit, this one is for you. Quiet but not weak; not intense either. This one is a great introductory toy.

Rock Chick – go hands free with this beaut. It will get your G spot and your clit, just lay back, relax and rock your way to your orgasm.

However you spend your Valentine’s weekend, make sure you make some time for yourself. Take some time to love yourself and allow yourself to be loved.

Happy Valentine’s Day xoxo

Breast can’t always best.

Lifestyle, Parenthood, Uncategorized

Controversial I know. But hear me out.

Breast is best, every woman knows this but breast is only best if your body works how it’s supposed to work.

Mine didn’t. With either child.

With Aria I was only able to feed her till she was 5 weeks old.

Hours after she was born I developed a rash all over. At first it felt like a heat rash, given she was born in a heat wave it wouldn’t have been a leap to assume the red pin pricks popping up all over were anything other than a heat rash. However, a cool shower and staying out of the heat did nothing and the rash actually got worse. By this point I was covered in tiny blisters and I was so uncomfortable with it that I couldn’t physically hold her to feed. It was around 4 days postpartum that I was diagnosed as having an allergic reaction to the diclofenac (pain meds) and given treatment.

Side note: I developed the same rash while pregnant with Roman, and it turns out it’s actually called dyshidrotic eczema cause by extreme hormone changes. I’m basically allergic to being pregnant.

Anyway, by the time the treatment had done away with the hellish rash Aria was established on a bottle and expressing was becoming harder and harder to maintain. Expressing isn’t something you should really do before you’re got an established feeding pattern but I had no choice. There’s no way I could have a hot sweaty baby laying across or even right next to my very itchy skin. All breastfeeding Mamas will know how important it is to be comfortable while feeding so that baby gets the best feed they possibly can. Neither of us could get comfortable. She couldn’t get latched on because we were both fidgety and there was a mutual giving up. For my sanity and her health I had to substitute the breast for the bottle.

She was five weeks old when I was no longer able to express.

With Roman I didn’t even produce milk until he was 5 days old, by which time he’d already established a feeding routine and was doing well on formula. He actually refused the breast. I tried expressing, knowing I needed to give him breast milk some how but it only lasted a week before milk production stopped and he was back on to formula full time again.

It didn’t help that he wasn’t with me for the first 48 hours of his life because sepsis decided he had to spend his first 2 days of live in NICU.

Not only that but I never the morning sickness never went away so I ended up losing weight throughout the pregnancy. I was in no physical state to feed him.

So what options would you have given a mother like myself? A mother who was literally unable to feed her babies? Would you have let them starve? Or would you have given them formula?

Bear in mind that donated breast milk wasn’t available for either of them when you answer this. By the way, I think donated breast milk is a fucking fabulous idea and if you’ve got any spare breast milk you should see if the local maternity wards could do with it. You can find out more about becoming a breast milk donor here http://www.ukamb.org/donate-milk/.

There are so many reasons a woman may be using formula. Maybe she’s adopted or had to use a surrogate. Maybe her wife is the biological Mother. Maybe she’s had a mastectomy. You simply do not know someone’s story by just looking at them.

There’s been a bit of a thing since Roman was born calling for health warnings to be plastered across the packaging of formula cartons, a kin to those on cigarette packets but the huge difference is that smoking never saved anyone’s life; formula has. My two children are a testament to that.

All the nutritional information, allergens and ingredients as well as health warnings and a paragraph advocating for breast feeding are all already on the formula cartons. You don’t need to make them bigger.

Not only that but being a new mum is hard enough without shaming them on the front of a formula carton and telling them how they’re about to harm their child.

Breast may be the best way to feed you child but do not compromise your mental and physical well being pushing yourself to do it.

Breast is great, but alive and healthy is better, and if that means your child is formula fed, more power to you.

Men; You’re Hot AF Too!

Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Yes, being body positive is not just for females.

Body positivity is for everybody. Every body.

Men have body confidence and self esteem issues too.

A lot of men are insecure about various parts of their bodies.

I ran a small survey recently asking men what made them insecure about their bodies and their answers are parallel to that of women I know.

I did this, partly because I was curious but mostly to prove a point that it’s not just women who have insecurities.

Men are worried about the size of their chests. Are their pecks ‘manly’ enough? Do they have tits?

Do they have a beer belly? Are they toned?

Oh and the breakouts!! Skin concerns for their backs as well as faces were a big thing. One mentioned a breakout on his arse, but he also mentioned that his GP has given him something to clear it up.

A number mentioned love handles and one also linked them to the dimples on his back.

I had one lad message me because it wouldn’t fit the box on stories, but basically he was worried he had too many tattoos and now worries it would put girls off!! Let me pause for a second and say this will never be an issue. Yes some girls may be put off by a lot of tattoos but more girls fawn over them, especially when they have meanings and tell stories.

I was shocked by the responses that kept coming. Skinny arms, skinny legs, flat arse, limp hair, bad hair, dry skin, too hairy, not hairy enough… so many issues.

But guys, it really is OK to think you’re hot as fuck!

Don’t let images of Jason Momoa get to you. Not  gonna lie, he does it for me but he’s not everyone’s cup of tea. What appeals to one will not appeal to anther.

That was the other thing.

Males in the public eye made everyday men feel inferior; something 99% of women can relate to.

You rarely see male targeted adverts using ‘plus size’ models unless it’s a company specialising in products from plus size men. Gillette tend to use athletes, Calvin Klein tends to used ripped models/actors/music artists, I mean most of the male clothing posters feature trim and toned models. Even footwear and fragrance ads for men use men who are conventionally good looking, who fit a ‘desirable’ mould.

While the fashion world is changing to be more inclusive of women with different figures, the same can’t be said for men’s fashion. Plus sized male models are yet to get the same recognition as their female counterparts.

It’s no wonder the men in our lives have body positivity issues. They also have it put to them on a daily basis that they should look a certain way to be desirable.

Even boys toys are trimmed and toned. Look at Action Man for fucks sake! I’m yet to see a toy for boys that isn’t built like a personal trainer.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing the men that are trimmed and toned, far from it, but what I am saying is that you don’t need to look like action man to get attention or to be attractive or to learn to love yourself.

Even the ripped athletic types will have their own body confidence issues. Maybe they think their ears are too big or their voice is too squeeky? Who knows.

Fellas, like I’ve said before, if you feel you to change somethings about you, about your body, do it for you and your well being (mentally and physically) before anyone else. No one else matters.

Outside opinions matter just as much as the opinion of fleas.

You all deserve to be happy in your skin, to love yourselves and to embrace your ‘flaws’.

After all, male body confidence matters too.

Mind your language

Lifestyle, Parenthood

I’m not actually talking about swearing.

I mean words like ‘fat’ or ‘skinny’, and any other words used to describe someone negatively.

As parents it is our responsibility to shape our children in to the best version of themselves, and that includes a well rounded sense of self and a positive body image.

Making fleeting comments about someone else’s appearance, in the presence of young children sticks in their sponge like impressionable minds.

In fact, making these comments could actually turn your child in to a bully without you realising.

Hear me out…

Aria point blank refused to eat for days. Not in that stubborn “I’m a child who refuses to obey” kind of way, but in a crying every time there was a meal including her favourite Nutella crepes for breakfast kind of way.

Knowing something wasn’t right I had a chat with her and she told me that she didn’t want to eat because if she ate she’d get fat. She was 4!

Imagine being scared of being fat at 4 years old!

Of course I spoke to school about it, knowing they were talking about healthy eating but her teacher assured me they were talking about balance and steered away from the terms ‘bad’ and ‘unhealthy’. She showed me the work they were doing and my mind was put at ease quickly.

So I started to dig through my memory to see if there were any memories of something I may have inadvertently said about myself, but I’d been so so careful. I may not like my body all the time (OK, most of the time), but I became very conscious of my words around her when she was 4 months old.

That weekend at a family friend’s house for dinner I noticed the way they talk, they way they remarked about women’s bodies. How so and so is ‘getting fat’ or how Lady Gaga’s thighs wobbled on stage. It hit me like a double decker bus! Just hearing these things in passing had sunk in to her brain and made her worry about her appearance at the age of 4.

Back to my comment about unwittingly raising bullies though.

Helping your children have a healthy relationship with their body starts with you and your words, and who you choose to spend time with.

Those comments you make about someone’s stretch marks, acne, glasses or ginger hair will stick in your child’s brain and breed hate.

Helping your children to be inclusive of all people starts with you and your words, and those you choose to spend time with.

Those comments you make about people from minority communities will burrow in to your child’s memory and breed hate.

Don’t breed hate.

Be the change you want to see.